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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

More for the Bill of No-Rights


1. You do not have the right to wear cropped shirts if your belly hangs over your pants. Sorry, Ellie Mae Clampett, you-are-not. This is not cute.

2. You do not have the right to complain about gall stones, refuse surgery and then expect sympathy if you indulge yourself in pizza or grease. Do not expect me to listen to how much pain you are in, or tell me that you don't like the diet I have suggested. Do not complain when I tell you that you will have to wait for an authorization before we can schedule your surgery because you have a particular type of lousy HMO insurance.

3. Men and women: You do not have the right to wear a mullet with a pigtail, even if you're stuck in Achey-Breaky Heart mode. Sorry, but this kind of haircut will get you the first bus to Trona.

4. You do not have the right to buy a large SUV to hide that extra 50 lbs. you have gained. A big car does not make you look thinner. Nice try, though.

5. You do not have the right to wear chaps with a thong to a fancy restaurant (Ask Deb Padgett about this one. I don't have the heart to post a photo. You can only imagine!)

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