Funny Church Bulletin Bloopers

God bless the little old church ladies and their typewriters!
Before the days of computers and spell check, the weekly church bulletin was not only a source of great information but one of hilarious bloopers.
We celebrate the pureness of heart, but we can also giggle at the goofs.

 "This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin."

 "National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

 "A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow."

 "The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning."

 "Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."

 "The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. "

 "Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get."

 "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

 "Thursday night — Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow."

 " Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation."

 "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."

 "When parking on the north side of the church, please remember to park on an angel."

 "This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."

 "Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days."

 "At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our bell choir practice."

 "The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

 "The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility."

 " For those who have children and don't know it, there is a nursery downstairs."

 "The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

 "Men's Prayer Breakfast. No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted."

 "Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time."

 "Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers."

  "The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her."

 "The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment."

 " Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people."

 "The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession."

 "Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? With hymns from a full choir."

 "Ushers will eat latecomers."

 " Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child."