The End Of The Mommy Mobile

Dear Kid,

Lately, I've come to the conclusion that all this driving around parents do for their kids here in Southern California is a really bad thing. Not only does it wreak havoc on the family schedule, but parents are tired and poorer and too many fast-food meals are consumed en route. The result is that not only have the cars gotten bigger, so has our girth.

Now, I know you are of an age when you want both a car and a license. And here is where I have to be frank.

No one owes you a car. You're not going to get a Porsche, truck, Scion, or SUV from me. You should have figured that out. Last Christmas a car failed to materialize, though you did get a new pair of skis. Not like you'd use those to get to to school, but at least they were a form of movement.

As for the license, sometimes we forget that driving isn't a right. So I don't owe you a license, either. The only person who can earn that is you, and to do you you must get good grades, be courteous to others, help around the house, show me you're responsible. Believe me, I know how important this is to you, and I understand why this upsets you. But I know for a fact that a license doesn't mean you've got good judgment, at any age. Just one look at the paper, and I've got proof.

Today, the LA Times reported that five teens were speeding to a church-sponsored event on the Interstate 60. They were racing another car. They hit the center divider twice and flipped over. Four of them are dead. Everyone is deeply aggrieved. The parents of the driver must be wondering what went wrong. This is guilt that will stay with them forever. But the reality may well be that this wasn't the first time their kid raced recklessly — however, it was just the first and final time he crashed.

It bothers me that one of the passengers might have felt fear but was more afraid of being called a wuss by saying, "Slow down, I'm scared," than he was of dying. Was the peer pressure so great to just go along rather than use better judgment? I guess it was. All that promise, gone in a massive crash on a freeway. This pains me so, because I know those parents had dreams for their kids.

So here's the caveat. You might get your license, but I owe you an earful when it comes to safe driving. And you'll be driving my car, the ten-year-old Volvo made in Sweden of thicker gauge steel than what they're made of now. In a way, it's a dream: it's safe and also has limited mileage range.

Now, let's move on to something else. In this safe zone of suburbia, kids wait for parents to take off lunch and zoom crosstown in a hurry to shuttle them wherever they want to go. This gives the kids the belief that their parents and the world are at their beck and call. Mommy and Daddy accept that this is their duty, that driving six hours a day is normal. The kids become transportation tyrants.

But it isn't like this in other parts of the country and the world. Imagine — in Chicago, San Fransisco, New York, and London, kids your age are taking trains, buses, and subways. In some cities around the world they're on pedicabs, bicycles, and even walking! What I'm saying is that what we do here in California is far from normal. So what I don't owe you is a ride every time you think you need one.

There are times when you'll have to take the bus, the Metrolink, or a combination of the two. I know, most kids in the 'burbs believe that buses are for bums, homeless, drunks, and poor people. They think the humanity of bus riders registers somewhere on the minus side of the scale. But they're wrong. Most are kids trying to get to school and people going to work. And if you're lucky, one day you'll be a college student going to university, and then someone with a job to go to.

So again, I won't contribute to some misshapen perception that you have to be driven everywhere. Besides, if I do, will you ever travel? Would you ever go to London and use the Tube? Consider getting a job in NYC and using the subway, or visiting friends in San Fransisco and going over to eat at Chez Panisse in Berkeley? Would you miss negotiating a putt-putt in Jaipur, taking a train from Mumbai to Delhi, or using mass transit in Bangkok? How will you ever have the gumption to hop on a bus in Lima with chickens, old men, women, and children?

Yes, I owe you the chance now to figure out how to get from point A to point B because I never want you to be afraid if you don't have access to a car. So go ahead. Figure out schedules, meet people on the bus, talk to the the guys with the laptops on the train, give your seat up to an elderly person. I owe you the chance to put yourself forward and grow.

Now, I know our mass transit system is far from perfect. My generation and the one prior simply didn't do much to make it better. And now, my generation is racking up $500+ a month gasoline bills, and we're not able to save for... old age.

Calculate it. If a household that commutes with two or three cars is spending $1,000 a month at the pumps, that's $12,000 a year just in fuel. This doesn't include insurance, repairs or payments. Do you see what I'm leading up to? The reliance on cars today just isn't realistic for anyone over the long term.

The problems your generation faces are many. The schedules stop when they shouldn't, the trains don't go where they could. So it's up to your generation to make it better, more efficient, and more accessible. Then tell my generation to lose twenty pounds, and walk to the stop and take the bus.

For the last week, you've made me proud, as you've taken both Metrolink and the bus to your school, and then you also took mass transit to work. And I was proud of your friend for being such a good sport and taking the bus with you as well.

Someday you'll travel the world. You'll learn to drive soon enough, but I hope you'll stay flexible when it comes to mass transit. The world you're inheriting is a different from the one in which I was raised. You'll need every penny you can save, and taking mass transit isn't a bad idea. And you know what? You can even use the line, "I take Metrolink and the Bus" as a litmus test for friends. Those who whine and rattle off every gross stereotype might always be stuck here, or taking Kontiki tours. While you can be their friend, just know, they have a ways to go. But you, you're one who isn't afraid to go off the beaten path as you find your place in this world.