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Saturday, August 16, 2008

Pheppings are Endangered!

Chicken Man River Phepping Many have never heard the legend of the pheppings. It is a story of a secret band of river dwellers that have been lost in the archives of human existence. Giant Fish George CostanzaSave the whales? Sure ... that's nice, but they are just fish. (OK, mammals) ya ya ya ...

Centuries ago, there were thousands of Pheppings. They were nomadic in nature, but mainly indigenous to the plains in the Midwest regions of America. Some say that they migrated from Canada during the 1700's, which seems totally plausible. Canadians like to huddle in groups of 5 or less.
What is concerning to me is the demise and loss of breeding grounds for the phepping. They have lost most of their natural habitat to urban sprawl, which also causes global warming. (so does blogging)
The phepping has resorted to pooling tribes along the Sagootchie Creek Bed in Mankato Minnesota. There, they congregate and eat chicken from the KFC dumpsters after closing. Restaurants throw away tons of food! (also causing global warming)

Here are the traits and characteristics that outline just what it is to be phepping. Please save this outline to your Google Documents for further review, then E-mail your friends. This story needs to be told .... somewhere, somehow.

1. They have a language based on Norwegian / Swedish slang, mixed with English and Spanish terms. An example sentence structure might look like this ...

"Peeka Seeka kikin hungree ... Verganz me cole oww har! Me's gettin em sem gravy. (grunt ~ grunt) Gettim outa me riva mothee effie?"

2. They crouch down and protect their food. Many Speedy River Fallspheppings are compulsive criminals.

3.Pheppings routinely wash their hands in the river, but rarely bathe. They have an odor reminiscent of dead carp doused with arm-pit sweat. You will probably smell a phepping long before catching a rare glimpse of one.

4. Many have families, but spend little time socializing. They are far to schizophrenic to ever become close to one another, nor any human.

5. Pheppings LOVE sticks, and whittle them into spoons and other beach tools.

6. They hunt and gather .... all of the time. One report from the "Underground Culture Blog" proved that pheppings will bury thousands of items gathered up from backyards of nearby neighborhoods. They return in the spring (like squirrels) to re-organize and trade treasured belongings.

7. Pheppings are endangered, and need our help.

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To donate old toys, canned food with easy-open tops, and sticks, go to the Phepping Phoundation

For more information on this incredible and heartbreaking story, send questions and comments to: Phepping WIKI


Pheppings in Hollydale

3 comments:

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Hi Ed!!

Ed Padgett said...

Eric,

Good seeing you again online here. Hope all is going well for you and the family?

Happy Trails

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Doing well my friend!

I am out gathering sticks ....

Ha haa!!!!!