Friday, June 06, 2008

The Loss of a Child

My online experience spans over two decades, so when I receive emails and comments that, let’s say, are different than the normal run of the mill messages my attention is stirred. This afternoon a comment was submitted that I would not soon forget, after reading the message you’ll understand why this particular message is different.

I want to express my deepest sorrow for your loss. I just came across the news story today 6-6-2008. My name is Ed Padgett. I live in Oklahoma. I also lost my son Bryan (spelled the same) in the same month as your loss. Year 1993 in a car accident just as your son. My greiving lasted for many years. I still have tough times on occasion as we were very close. He was 17 at the time. I will tell you this. People say that time heals. I have discovered as time passes the original intensity of the pain lessons but the pain never goes away. you may contact me if you need. go to for a link.

Edward Padgett from Oklahoma and I share the same name, lost our sons, that share the same name, in similar manners. The most important part of his message “People say that time heals”, if you have not lost a son or daughter, please do not tell a parent that has experienced the death of a child this. We will look at you and wonder how the hell could you know time heals?


:: jozjozjoz :: said...

This gave me chills.

I included it in today's Bullets at LA Metblogs

Nubia said...

I'm speechless.

Miss Havisham said...

Oh my gosh, that is so mysteriously beautiful. The random chaos of nature comes together in some weird glitch to make a match of such a disturbing folly. All love to you Edwards, two and sons.

Militant Angeleno said...


You really need to go out to Oklahoma (or have him visit here) and meet this guy.

Ed Padgett said...

This was so bizarre I had to share this. Have sent Edward an email and waiting for his response, we may also be related, as my family moved from Oklahoma some forty-eight years ago.

Anonymous said...

Random chaos of nature was my first thought when I heard this. As one who has lost a child, the bizarre coincidences are both strange and comforting. Strange, because some of the coincidences are so farfetched that the most vivid imagination couldn't possibly invent them. Comforting, because they support the probability that there is more to what's possible than just what we can see or touch.

Losing a child is different than losing a parent or even a spouse. The child you nurtured and loved vanishes. The body remains, but the spirit is elsewhere. The frustration in trying to connect is overwhelming, and one longs for signs that the child's spirit is safe and happy. These coincidences lend a sense of order to the unthinkable. God bless you, both Edwards!

Kanani said...

Wow. Amazing. I hope you two keep in touch.

Kanani said...

While I think time heals some things, helps you put things into perspective, I don't think ANYTHING ever really fills in or organizes that gaping hole that must come from losing a child who you have nutured.

I think though, when people say these things, it's not done to harm. Rather, it's because words are SO inadequate that they stumble for ones to use they think might be comforting.

So maybe it's best not to read too much into it, Ed. Just know they have great sympathy for you, and they just don't know what else to say.

Stephanie said...

I am Oklahoma Ed's niece. Myself, Bryan and my sister Mindy grew up very closely together. He was the little brother we didn't have and we were the siblings he always wanted.
Our family here in Tulsa is very close. We faithfully celebrate each and every members birthday on top of knowing that anytime one of us needs something another is always there to help or hold them up.
Bryan was killed two weeks after we lost my grandfather (Ed's father). In the same rolling year we lost my grandmother (Ed's mother). This is something no family should have to endure but as a family we did. We stuck together and held one another up when you just didn't think you could do it anymore you just did.
But losing Bryan was different. He was young, only 17, and two weeks from starting his senior year along with my sister. It's hard to know that when she graduated he should have been also. When we got married and started having kids it's hard to wonder "what if?"
I totally believe in what my uncle said that time doesn't heal the pain it just lessens the intensity. For Christmas last year I did a slideshow of my family dating back at least 100 years. It was tough. Ed asked me to do this same thing of Bryan and I think after hearing these two stories and seeing so many things similar it's time for me to stand up and do this for Ed and the rest of us.
I think of Bryan after all these years, all the time, wondering what if?
My son is about to turn 17 in July and it scares me to know that 15 years ago I lost someone so dear to me the age of my son. It makes you want to hold on so tight and never let go because what if? Please feel free to contact me anytime.