Wanted: Applicants with narcissistic qualities and low self esteem. Lack of formal and moral education okay. The perfect applicant has a tendency to exhibit a lack of life skills. Imperious manners a must, a lack of perceiving other people's feelings and natural abandon when it comes to either shedding tears, having tantrums or tearing friends, fellow applicants, or family members to shreds. Flakey insights onto your behavior that can be enhanced with super slow motion photography and touching instrumental music are a must. We prefer men with baggy pants and big t-shirts, women with like chipmunk cheek breasts, and all applicants must have hair color not found in nature.
We've rewarded the following with million dollar contracts and more attention than they deserve. Our list includes: Dog The Bounty Hunter, I Love New York, Dr. 90210, Whose Wedding Is This, Gotti's Way, and any number of shows that can be seen by making fools pay a minimum of $55/ month for cable.
Wanted: Reality TV show writers. Must be willing to toss out all your scruples and toss out that English Literature degree you got in your ivy league college. Once you've made your fortune, you may blow it all on therapy, then crawl over to UCLA Extension and try to write the great American novel. But chances are, your brain will so be programmed for mediocrity, you won't succeed.
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