Dear Kristine, Lauren, Margaret, Nathan and Joanna:
I spent some time this morning thinking of all of you and was lead to read a small book called "Healing Grief". Would you please take some time to read some thoughts that have been helpful reminders for me. All of you have been through the pain of shock and disbelief. You have found out that we all are so different. We need to accept the differences of each other. Be patient with each other and how we respond to Bryan's death. Do what seems right for you. There are no rules. Don't try to get around grief. Have the courage to go into it and through it. Let your heart break. That will bring healing. You will have the strength to do what needs to be done, to rebuild your life.
Anger
This is normal. There is no one to blame for his death, you may want to find someone or something. Anger should be expressed and admitted, then let go of. Be careful, physical vent may be dangerous. Anger often fades, the sooner you will heal.
Guilt
Accept your mistakes. Writing a letter to Bryan may help you. You can say everything you wish you had said. Guilt and regret are normal. God's forgiveness is real. His Mercy is huge. If you need help call Auntie's or get help from a counselor at Church.
Tears
Tears are a helpful form of release. The lack of tears can be understood and allowed for.
Growth
Time will not heal grief. You have to deal with it, to work through it. You can become something more than you were.
Grief prolonged
Traumatic death, like Bryan's car accident does prolong grieving. A legal battle will keep wounds open. You may need extra time. Don't be hard on yourself for taking that extra time.
Talk about your loss
Be with friends that you can talk about your pain and loss. If a friend wants you to "snap out of it" or "stop talking about what happened to you", find another friend.
My heart goes out to all of you. Do not be afraid of this journey. You are never alone. God is always with you. He wept too. When his best friend Lazarus died, he wept. Bryan is home with God, who gave him life from the very begining. I am so consoled that his Nana is helping him enter paradise. I imagine she was with him at the moment his soul left his body.
We love you all dearly, you are cherished, Love your Aunties (Genine and Christine)
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1 comment:
Ed that letter brought some tears to my eyes remembering my nephew we lost a few years ago in an auto accident.
The hardest part is true we all handle the grieving process differently and in our own timeframe. My sister sought comfort in giving to kids in the community, set up scholarship funds in Craig's name, "adopts" families with teenage boys who can't afford Christmas and a host of other projects. David, my brother-in-law is still working his way through it all a bit over 6 years later. I wish you and each member of your family the strength to move through and heal.
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